Transformation

My greatest fear used to be being a bad memory for someone. The thought of the reason someone is staying up at night and tossing and turning because I had wronged them made my stomach turn. To be honest, I probably have been that person. I have wronged people. I have sinned. I don't deserve the grace that God has given me, but  He still continues to give it.

Since I was in High School I had paralyzing depression and anxiety. About a year ago I would have to crawl around my apartment to get around because I couldn't make myself stand up. I couldn't make myself leave the house. Now, I am not sharing this because I want you to feel sorry for me. I am sharing this because I want as many people as possible to know the transformation that God has brought to my life.

A dear friend of mine gave me a verse to memorize to deal with my anxiety. I always thought memorizing scripture was ridiculous. I thought it was busy work that they had us do at Sunday school so we could win stickers or treats. However, I was desperate to try anything. I memorized Romans 12:2 which says "Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. So that you will be able to discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God". The idea of transformation was appealing to me. I hated who I was. My past was a weight that crushed me and kept me from seeing any good in my life. I repeated this verse out loud to myself whenever I felt anxious and I would feel myself relax. I felt peace.

I am now in the process of a Bible study with the friend I mentioned earlier and another woman as we go through a book called "Calm my anxious heart" by Linda Dillow. Memory verses are very important in this book and although we are only in the 2nd week I can feel my anxiety breaking down and I can finally feel close to God again. The past year I have had a barrier up and I have been drowning and unable to see God anywhere. I felt abandoned. The fact is that God was there the whole time. I was just unable to see Him because I was too busy dwelling on my past to be able to see what He was doing right then. I am learning that God can take a situation full of terrible circumstances and make it good. Linda Dillow says "It's our 'helping God out' that leads to an anxious heart", and I couldn't agree more. The more I try and "help" the less I rely on God and the more I rely on myself. I will always lose. I will always fail. But it is through Him that gives me strength that I will find contentment.

I hope that if you are reading this that you will feel encouraged and know that contentment CAN be learned. We can train ourselves to look to God first. We can be used for His glory.

If you wanted to look into the book we are reading you can find it here.

Change is essential.

 
  April 12 of 2012 I married my best friend. Since that day our life has been nothing but constant change and lack of normality. About two years ago this would have made me a complete and total wreck. Possibly to the point of being unable to function. Thankfully, God put a series of difficult but essential events in my life that made this bearable and even, enjoyable. Now, don't get me wrong, there have been plenty of times that I have felt fear, frustration, sorrow, anger, and even nausea over this past year but having Matt right there by my side makes it all worth it.

I'm guessing you're wondering why I am being so vague about what has happened in the past year and what more changes we could possibly be having. Well, that is because I can't exactly share all the details just yet, but I will catch you all up soon. The reason that I am posting this is because I just wanted to share the fact that I am embracing change. I never thought change would be something I would look forward to, and the fact that I am excited about it and that I am encouraging MORE of it.... I feel like shouting for joy, but since my neighbors would probably be a little less than thrilled about all the noise, I have decided to just blog about it and put my excitement out into a cyber abyss that maybe no one is reading.


Anyways.... I'm thinking I'll get a new hairstyle to go along with my new found perspective.

New things in the Francis life.

Hello, Friends!

I know it has been a while since you all have heard from me on here. I'm sure most of you are kept up to date on our life with my Facebook and my Instagram. If not then you must be very far behind and you probably need some catching up! Matt and I are finally finished moving in and we celebrated Christmas for the first time as a married couple and also for the first time in our new house! There have been A LOT of firsts this year and I must say I am not minding all the change. It definitely keeps things exciting around here.

We still have our cat, Ashes, but we have recently added another new addition to the Francis clan.

This is Todd.

As I'm sure you can tell by now, Matt and I have a hard time saying "no" to cute little faces. Oh well, they bring a lot of life to our home and we enjoy them very much (unless Todd is misbehaving. He is, after all,  still a puppy.)

I have also started working at Starbucks as a barista. I have been there about three months now and I am loving it. My store is really close to wear Matt works so I am able to see him more often and sometimes we even carpool together. In addition to seeing Matt more I am getting to know people in the Bountiful area more, which is awesome since we go to church down there and I don't know anyone outside of our church. I am very thankful for my co-workers and how enjoyable they are to work with. It feels like I am with friends when I am at work and I don't think you can beat that feeling. 

Well, I suppose that is all for right now but I will be updating this blog more often now that life has calmed down a little bit. Thank you to all who are subscribed and still hanging on.

God bless!

Aleesha Francis 

The adventures of a girl and her cat

When we first got Ashes there was an instant bond

Even Jake approved of her.

She loves Matt.

She loves me 

And she LOVES the outdoors.

Thankfully she loves us just a little bit more than the outdoors so she comes home ;)

Just like family

I love the people in our Bible study! I am not sure what I would do without these people. I am so thankful that God created us to be in a community with one another. Last night we talked about the story of David and Jonathan. If you haven't read this story it is in 1 Samuel 18. 

"When David had finished speaking with Saul, Jonathan committed himself to David, and loved him as much as he loved himself. "

In some translations it says "loved him as much as his own soul." Can you imagine loving a friend in that way? When we first read this we were talking about how we would consider that a "homosexual" love but the more we read the more we realized that this kind of a bond between men is discouraged in our culture. Men are taught from a young age that being a man means that you don't need anyone. To be transparent with someone is to show weakness. God did not make us to live like this. 

Last night I tried to imagine what it would be like to be completely transparent with my close friends. At first I became frightened that they might not like me anymore. I was afraid that they may not like the person that I really am. Then I became excited at the bond that I would be able to have with them. What a wonderful example of Christs love. 

Home!

My husband and I have a house! We actually have been here for almost 2 months now and we are LOVING it! I finally feel like I have a place to call home. Before we bought the house we were living in a very small one bedroom apartment. After approximately one week I was done with the tight living quarters.  Our apartment was in the basement with one window and one sliding glass door. The small amount of light that would have been let in was covered by a big shady tree. I became depressed very quickly. It's amazing how important it is to have sunshine! Thankfully our house has nice big windows in every room (I probably wouldn't have bought it if it didn't).

We are SO blessed!

Oh, this old thing?

It has almost been a year since my last post which is a shame because it has been a very eventful year!

This past year I have:

• Gone to college for the first time
• Became engaged
• Became married
• Reunited with an old friend
• Became a cat owner
• Learned to knit
• Learned to rock climb

As of right now Matt and I are in the process of buying a home. Buying a home is MUCH more stressful than getting married in my opinion. Talk about a scary purchase. Although this has been a stressful time Matt and I have been extremely blessed to have Godly people helping us through the process. I never thought I would look forward to talking to my mortgage lender but I am so impressed that he never stops reminding us that God is in control of the situation and after every meeting or phone call he prays with us. This has also transferred into our marriage and reminds us to continuously pray about this together (praying together is one of my favorite things about being married). I am also in awe of the people that God has placed in my life right now. He always knows what I need. Lord, thank you for the many blessings that you have given Matt and I and I pray that we will be able to show your love to others so that they can one day experience this great relationship for themselves.

Amen