Changing Seasons

It is so strange to sit back and examin all the changes in my life and just how quickly they are happening. Recently i have realized just how big of a task God has set out for Matt and my future. These past two weekends I have been doing nothing but retreats and enjoying the fellowship, something i have been lacking for quite some time. I realize that I am a completely different person when i am with the people I am growing with. I have also realized that I like myself better when I am that person. Watching myself be that person in front of people I wouldn't normally be that way around was very scary at first, but it also showed great benefits. I watched God take someone who was telling me that "God is a fairy tale" and that "I need to stop feeding lies to him and his friends" (because i was sharing my faith with them) and I saw him weeping in tears for the love he felt for God that very night. It is a powerful and wonderful thing. I am very greatful to of been given this privlage.

This past weekend I went to Jackson Hole, Wyoming with the youth group at my church. Over this trip I got to share my walk with God and listen to how other girls walks with God have been. I love listening to people and their stories. I also love telling my story. There is something so wonderful about hearing four completely different stories from four completely different people and getting something out of each and every one. It is also nice to hear that your story has helped touch or help someone when they are going through a rough time in their life. While I was in Jackson i realized that God doesn't always want me to just pray. Whenever i was talking to God it was never God talking, it was always me. Things that I wanted, praying for friends, praying for things wrong in my life, praying for God to make things more clear so I can know what path to choose. Which isn't wrong, but i was just reading him this list and then just shutting Him up before He got a chance to tell me what He wanted. It was really nice to just close my eyes and feel God with me and just listen. I never experienced that before last weekend.

The weekend before that I went with the college group to a confrence called trilogy. Trilogy is all about being a desciple on your campus and letting Gods light shine through you. (the idea for my first tattoo) I loved getting to know this whole new group of people. I felt very accepted and I feel very welcome whenever I am with these people. It is really nice to be able to tell people how I want to center my life completely around God and them wholeheartedly understanding. A lot of the reason that people get freaked out when they hear about what God is telling me is because it sounds very unrealistic. I want to go to semenary because i know that God is leading Matt to be a youth pastor and the fact that he is a youth pastor and me being the youth pastors wife would make me the person that the girls of that youth group would look up to. In which case God told me I need to get as much knowledge about Him as I can. Now, most people's reaction to that is "you have no idea that you are going to marry Matt, you are only 17 and you should really not be thinking about settling".

Now, that sounds perfectly reasonable. Except that God told me that is what my life is going to be like. I also would love to go to countries that not many people has heard of and help them out and learning as much as I can about them and sharing God with them. Matt would be documenting with his wonderful camera skills and we would send dvd's to churches across the nation to help out with these people. To let the church know that our brothers and sisters that we didn't even know existed are suffering and that we can lend a hand. In general i get the same blank stare. Although their lack of response is unnerving i know what God wants. I am terrified... but I am going to be a desciple and go as far as I can by making my life a sacrifice for Jesus. Although I find it hard to call it a sacrifice, since it will be the most rewarding experience I could ever have.