Humans.

What beautiful blinders and masks we wear. They are really impressive.


Tonight I had fellowship by a campfire and it was wonderful. We talked about the theology of the trinity (or thats what we were supposed to be talking about but we are simple minded folk and get off track). So we were talking about different experiences we have had with the different "flavors"- as Chad B. puts it- of Christians. We also talked about jealousy and the difference between loving jealousy and sinful coveting jealousy. All wonderful and great things. It was such a open enviroment and I felt so at home.

*Subject jump*


Earlier that day I was working and I was walking past this lady and her two boys. The oldest being probably 9 and the youngest being 6. They were cute kids - the youngest one kept coming up and asking me how much the shoes would be if he bought two pairs of socks, or one pair of socks, or just the shoes - and all I heard from this mother was "You put that down right now! I dont have that kind of money!". Now, at that age kids understand that money buys you things, but they dont exactly realize prices as much (which is totally fine in my opinion). So she buys them both some shoes from the clearance rack and then starts talking to me about the shape ups -they run for around $100 depending on which one you choose - and she decides to get these. Well to these kids seeing a price tag of a hundred bucks doesn't compare to the twenty or thirty dollar shoes that they wanted. And they were slightly confused. The younger boy asked why he can't have the thirty dollar shoes that he wanted but she can have the REALLY expensive shoes. She got very angy and defensive and yelled at him "I work my ass off and I DESERVE these shoes!"








Now... I'm not entirely sure if we deserve anything. Why in the world do we spend so much money on such silly items? Why are we such selfish people? Watching this really humbled me. Its funny to me how people tell me to be proud to be an american and that we are the most privlaged. When honestly... I feel that we are the most lost. We are so far from what God wants. I look at the people that we help on mission trips - though it would be more acurate to say that they help us - and they have such a love for God. They have to trust Him every day to take care of them. Unlike us who are being taught that being independent is the way to success and that being an American is like acheiving saint-hood.


Like I said.... we have beautiful masks and blinders.

One of those moments...

Sometimes people make me so mad that I wish I had a pie so I could shove it in their face.

... I wonder if Jesus ever felt that way?

Family.

Oh, what a mess I've made...

The greatest thing...

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is how to love, and be loved in return"
-Moulin Rouge


This movie is so beautiful to me. One of the main reasons that it is so beautiful to me (probably because I've read redeeming love) is because you dont often think of prostitutes as people who "deserve" to be loved. Which is a sad truth. I think that often times I can relate to the belief that I dont deserve to be loved. Whether it be love from Matt, my friends, and especially God.

God's grace is just too big for me to handle sometimes. He is far too great for my mind to wrap around... thank goodness.

Clean room

I finally took the time to clean out my drawers and organize my shoes and book shelves. Oh my it feels nice. All I have left to do is Clean out all the shirts that have been left in my closet but that can wait until another day because i'm content looking at what I've done so far.

In other news I have no idea what I'm doing with my life and it feels great :)
I keep having this nightmares where I didn't actually graduate and I have one more year of Roy High *barf*. Thank God thats not the case.

Also, my book is coming along very nicely and I am excited to get more into it. Oh how I love literature. Speaking of reading I think that anyone who has ever been or ever will be in a relationship needs to read this book:





Not only has this book helped me in my romantic relationship but other relationships in my life as well. I encourage you to pick up a copy and a highlighter... You'll need it.

Found it.

I have found the ring of my dreams.




It really does take my breath away.
And the thought of it being mine one day brings me to tears.

Our story

"I wish I was a raindrop" She breathed after she stopped convulsing.
He glanced over her face with a sad expression "Why do you with that?"
"Because if Iwas a raindrop I could help things grow and thrive. And then after my job was done on the earth I could go back into the heavens and prepare to do it again"
He smiled "But you have already made me grow in more ways that you could ever know."
He gently placed his hand on her knee and gave her a reassurring squeeze.
"If you ask me, you are a rain drop"

Negativity.

Today I was watching Kate plus 8 and my dad walked in while the kids were talking about their sixth birthday party.

My dad said "Those kids are so cute... too bad they wont be good kids when they grow up"

I thought that was a little strange so I asked him why he thought that. He told me that kids are always sweet (which I dont agree with) when they are young but they will always become bad when they get older. Especially in this day and age they have absolutely no opportunity to be good or be close with God.

What a terrible way to look at life. I'm sad that this is how my dad sees people and that this is how he sees God. How can he think that we as humans have so much control. Or that we as americans have so much control. I think that by us saying "there is no hope" that is us giving up on not only ourselves but our future. Why is it that just because we have a liberal president who wants to change things around (not that I agree with everything Obama says or does but I don't believe he has any power over our souls in any way shape or form) means that we have to just accept that our public school teachers might teach us the wrong things about our country and its founders. That means that we have no hope!? Thats ridiculous to me. That sounds to me like christianity is solely based on politics. That our "founding fathers" created this belief.

Sigh... I truly hope that by being a leader to this youth group I can help them feel God and understand that He is not contained by who is our president or what is being taught in schools. Man is definatly not more powerful than God. Sometimes humans just put up certain barriers that we need to break down. It can be done. And it can be done through you.

Shift.

I can't believe the way your day can be going so well and you feeling so up beat and happy and then later you start feeling like crap. Ugh... I'm tired of people telling me whats wrong with me. I know I have faults! Stop telling me how wrong I am and work on yourself. Thats what I'm trying to do!


Well, I'm done. So please enjoy this bunny with a pancake on its head.






xoxo

Health

Health hasn't really been on my side these past few years. It seems that my seizures are getting better as of late but I am now dealing with some kidney problems. Praying it is only an infection. Sigh... why must I always be called to the hospital?